In our journey to become fulfilled and satisfied people, we lose ourselves. We religiously follow advice from our elders while keeping our “untainted” truths govern our daily lives. You let environment classify you. You let connections dictate your aspirations. When the roads get really rough, life punches us in the face with reality– you lose yourself while figuring out who you are and what you want to get in life.
Do you feel lost? Are you unsure about the things you want? Do you feel invisible?
If so, you are not alone. It is easy to get trapped in the beliefs and expectations of others. Let’s look at some reasons we lose ourselves.
The Script
What story were you told as a child? One common life template is that you go to school, get educated, find a partner, have a family, and work until you receive a pension.
Another is that you can’t trust other people. Therefore, it is better to stay single, have casual relationships but move on when the other person becomes too serious.
Adults in our lives impose their beliefs based on what they were told before and how they interpret their experiences and insecurities.
If I believe I am shy, I may think that I can’t do public speaking. If I am short, I may believe that I will never earn as much as tall people. These beliefs may not be true but they can be really crippling.
As a result, it is vital to stop and listen to the script you are playing in your head and question whether you have the proof to guarantee that what you are believing is indeed true.
Feedback
Do you listen to every word others say and assume it is accurate and true? Other peoples’ reactions to situations are based either on what they are telling themselves or on what others say or do to them.
The unfortunate part of always listening to other people all the time is that sometimes they are:
- Just dumping negativity on us. What they are saying is actually a reflection of what they are feeling or thinking about themselves, which clearly has nothing to do with us.
- Releasing their anger and frustration. They don’t care about you as the receiver. All they care about is feeling better for themselves.
- Looking for help because they don’t know what is causing them much discomfort and unhappiness.
- Mad at themselves and they need to take it out on somebody else.
Stop and Connect
Are you perpetually busy? Do you constantly have tasks that take up your time? Can you sit for 20 minutes, connecting with your mind and body while relaxing?
If you are thinking, “No Way,” then it is time to figure out and commit on shifting habits and making time to pause and connect.
First, start with sitting in a chair with a comfortable back. Put your feet flat on the floor and place your hands on your thighs. Play some soft instrumental music, stay there and set the timer for 5 minutes. Once comfortable with the process, you can increase the time.
Don’t force your mind to stop thinking. Pay attention as the thoughts move through it. Eventually, it will cease and time will pass without you even noticing it.
To find ourselves, it is essential to stop for a while. Observe everything (not selectively), accept everything that is going on within us, and hear the messages emerging from the experiences. If you cannot do this independently, then it is very beneficial to work with a coach.
Remember: You can find yourself, value yourself and be content with yourself.
Do you want to
- reduce stress and achieve harmony in your personal and professional life?
- be a more effective and efficient leader in your workplace?
If you want to be on top of your game, then you will benefit the most from coaching.
I am offering a free 20-minute consultation to help you decide which coaching package is best for you. Click the button below to schedule a call.
Dr. Brenda Kelleher-Flight
