“My experience is what I agree to attend to.” William James
I love that quote and here is the one I tell myself:
“If I love myself I am correct, if I doubt myself I am correct, if I believe in myself I am also right; the choice is mine and only mine.”
There are no mistakes
Just as a movie director may film many endings to a movie before she decides which one to use, we can use our mistakes to decide how we want to proceed based on our words and actions in the past. We can do another ‘take.’
I believe, we do the best we can in the moment. It is only hindsight that leaves us with regret. That’s why we must learn to do another take. Learn from the past and prepare for the future.
If we believe we are always doing our best, we will give others the benefit of the doubt and trust that they are doing their best.
Know the gifts you have received
I was once asked, “What have you been given that you have not received?” That puzzled me. My immediate reaction was “Nothing.”
As I thought about it, I came up with quite a list. Here are a few of the ideas:
- A safe place to live.
- A great education.
- The ability to keep confidences.
- The time to coach which I love.
- The wisdom to listen to what others say and don’t say.
- The desire to trust others.
- The intention to be vulnerable with others.
- The desire to face my own shame.
- A wonderful family (sometimes I am so busy I take them for granted).
I was so busy looking to the future, assessing my weaknesses, and trying to keep up with my daily responsibilities that I hadn’t received all the gifts I had received.
It took me a long time to realize that there are no such thing as negative emotions. It is how we interpret them, judge them and act upon them that makes them positive or negative.
It is okay to be sad. It is not okay to use my sadness to act like a victim, destroy others’ peace of mind, or to become over-dependent.
Now, I sit with my emotions (once I can find where I blocked them in my body), hear their story and use the information to move forward on a constructive note.
I do not want to be torn by tension, feel badly knowing that no matter how bad I feel, it is never going to make you feel better, or become so focused on myself that I cannot see you or understand your pain.
It took me a long time to accept that I cannot control everything, have all the answers, or predict all events or outcomes. Now, I know that there is no magic. The magic is based on my choices, and I can choose magic or misery. I can see the beauty, the positive, and the next steps in the journey, or I can see doom and gloom, the negative in everyone and everything, and feel defeated by the detours in my way.
It serves me best to see the detours as temporary and part of a wonderful journey. I don’t need all the answers. It is okay to rely on others in areas I am weak, because I will do the same for them. I choose trust over distrust and failure as a learning experience.
You can do the same. Your glasses don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be perfect for you, helpful to others, and full of love.
Do you want to
- reduce stress and achieve harmony in your personal and professional life?
- be a more effective and efficient leader in your workplace?
If you want to be on top of your game, then you will benefit the most from coaching.
I am offering a free 20-minute consultation to help you decide which coaching package is best for you. Click the button below to schedule a call.
Dr. Brenda Kelleher-Flight