Recognizing Stress and Its Impact on Others

You are Incompetent

Yesterday, I was feeling really frustrated. I felt as if I wanted to scream at someone. My brain was wondering why the person I was thinking of could not see how inept he was and how he was relying on me to get the job done well. I could feel the stress in my shoulders and jaw.

As I sat back to try and cope with these thoughts a case came to mind and I thought I would share it with you.

Mary’s and Philip’s Story

Mary is a very competent vice-president of a medium size organization. She spends time analyzing her skill set and seeks educational opportunities such as coaching to overcome her perceived areas of deficit. She thinks sequentially and likes rules and structure.

Philip, the president, has perfect interpersonal skills, does not like details or schedules, and likes making decisions on the fly. He agrees with everyone and does not like sticking to the parameters set in policies. Many times no one knows where he is and he does not tell his administrative assistant where he is going or how long he will be absent.

After meeting with Mary and hearing her story, it seemed as if she was resenting Philip’s management style. She did not see him as being competent or trustworthy.

Philip thought that he was free to do as he wished because he was the President. He did not need to communicate with the vice-president about his where-about, make decisions with the corporate policies or consider Mary’s point of view when making decisions. In fact, Mary’s need for structure was an irritant. Mary was just a source of stress for him.

When we talked about the stress the situation was causing, it was evident that neither of them recognized their own stress signals. When we were reviewing the stress signals they both said that these signals should be pointed out to all managers.

Therefore, I thought it would be a great idea to share them with you in this article.

4 Patterns as a Reaction to Stress

All of us react in one of four ways to stress. The first pattern is to overproduce. You will know if you overproduce because you will take on too much work, think you can do something better than others, and/or become overwhelmed when we cannot meet all of our commitments.

The second is underproduction. When we under-produce we refuse to take on tasks or commitments, take on the work and fail to deliver, and/or make excuses why a particular deadline cannot be met.

Blame is the third pattern. We find fault with others, are quick to use names rather than focusing on the issue at than, and gossip.

The final pattern is distancing. When we distance, we go into our office and close the door, ask others to make appointment to speak with us, and/or do everything possible to avoid interacting with specific people.

These patterns are normal. The best thing we can do is to identify our own pattern and catch ourselves before we act on it. In order to catch ourselves, it is essential to know how our body is signaling that we are stressed and develop constructive patterns to deal with the stress.

13 Stress Signals and Actions You Can Take Today

By noting the 13 signals of stress and deciding the best ways to deal with stressed persons we can make our lives easier and maintain positive relations with them.

I will be talking about these signals over the next four weeks, and I hope to get your thoughts on them in the comments section below.

Abrupt Demonstrations of Quick Temper

Quick temper is obvious when you deal with a person who shouts or use profanities without apparent provocation. Your action may be the straw that put them over the edge. They display behaviour which is disproportionate to your action because they cannot subdue their tension levels any longer.

Your Action

Sometimes you can avoid dealing with these outburst if you

1.    take note of the times and situations which aggravate such individuals
2.    ensure you understand exactly what they expect from you and meet those standards and deadlines
3.    determine whether there are other people who can act as a go-between and filter your information through those individuals
4.    refrain from judging the behaviour and state that you find these outbursts disconcerting and do this when they are in a good mood, and/or
5.    time your interactions to ensure that they have not been dealing with anything negative prior to your meeting with them.

Blaming Others

Blaming others is a technique used when people do not want to face their own inadequacies. This deflection temporarily lowers their stress level. The unfortunate part of this situation is that the fact that the relief does not last long. Therefore, as the tension mounts they need to find someone else to blame rather than dealing with their own weaknesses.

Your Action

Sometimes you can avoid being the focus of the blame if you

1.    ensure you understand exactly what they expect and meet those standards and deadlines
2.    watch their behaviour and determine the circumstances under which they feel this need to find someone to blame and avoid those situations
3.    refrain engaging in the blame game because if you are willing to blame others you have to be willing to be the focus of the blame at some other time, and/or
4.    ask for specifics when you are being blamed and offer to take corrective action immediately making sure you follow through as expected.

Distractibility

People have a tendency to be distracted when they are focusing on issues which are playing over and over in their minds. These stories may or may not be accurate but these individuals are attached to their versions. As a result, they are unable to focus on the here and now.

Your Action

Sometimes you can ensure clear communication if you

1.    ask questions to ensure you are clear about what they want or what they are thinking
2.    make eye contact and hold it while engaged in a conversation
3.    note when they look away or their eyes glaze over and ask a question to ensure they are listening
4.    send an email or note outlining your understanding of the conversation asking them to respond if there is any misunderstanding, and/or
5.    listen to their concerns if they need to vent but bring the conversation back to the situation at hand as soon as it is realistically possible.

Excessive Eating

Food appears to be such a good friend when there does not appear to any other acceptable avenue to vent frustrations. This is particularly true in our culture where so many social activities revolve around food. There are advantages to using food as a friend. It does not talk back, judge, or criticize in any way. Unfortunately, there are also disadvantages to overeating. Fortunately, if you deal with someone who is overeating to deal with their stress there are actions you can take.

Your Action

Sometimes you can support this individual if you

1.    listen actively to their concerns and issues
2.    help them find other ways to deal with their issues
3.    connect them with professional or support groups
4.    avoid focusing on their overeating and dwell on their strengths, and/or
5.    refrain from providing food as a reward or way to stay on their good side.

Do any of these signals resonate with you? Do you see them in the people around you?

I welcome your stories in the comments below.