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Seeing the Stress Signs in Others and Myself
Your Case to Consider
John felt that Lillian was smarter, more articulate and had better social skills. John often stated that he believed in equality opportunities for men and women. The tape which played over and over in his head stated,
- The man is the breadwinner
- Men are better leaders
- Men get ahead faster than women
- Men are better performers in the board room, and
- Men deserve to earn more because it is their role to look after their families.
As a result of this tape, John noticed every little thing Lillian did. He would meet with her over coffee and act as if they were friends (which is what he thought he wanted) but when they went to their meetings, he would express Lillian’s ideas as his own. He never included her or gave her any credit.
Lillian was really bothered by the situation and couldn’t understand how her friend could do this to her. She wanted to play nice in the sand box and John seemed so nice. What Lillian failed to see was how stressed John was because of her competencies and excellent social skills.
It is not unusual for professionals to be unaware of their stress levels and to take credit for others’ work.
Taking Credit for Others’ Work
When people are stressed they may need to feel valued. One way to accomplish this is to take credit for work which is not their own. This tactic may work temporarily. However, it is unlikely to work in the long term. They may bask in the positive feedback and praise but they will soon need another fix when the praise they need to feel good is not forthcoming.
Your Action
You can avoid being caught in such situations if you
- ensure that each person’s role is outlined and ensure credit is given to all involved in any project
- question why the team is not mentioned when credits are being named
- provide positive feedback for all contributions
- saying thank you
- confronting these persons when they do not give credit to others and problem solve together, and/or
- assist the person to get professional help if they need it.
Self-Assessment
We know that stress can build slowly and go unnoticed by any of us until something happens to cause us to stop and assess the situation.
Remember you are perfect, just as you are. If there are things you need to figure out or skills you need to learn, now is the time to do just that.
I’ve prepared a short assessment for you with some actionable steps.
Click here to gain access.
